Dating while in the navy
I'm so confused on everything. I'm scared he'll come back and not want to be with me, or come back and see that I chose school instead of marrying him. I haven't chosen it over him, I just chose to get an education and follow my dreams before I gave it up to be with him and travel with him and start a family. I'm all over the place and I'm sorry,. I think I just need some reassurance that I'm not crazy for trying to make a relationship work when getting the physical attention I want can't happen for a while. I want to see him and start a life together but it just feels so far away..
Hi Mikinzi, Thanks for commenting! Everything you are feeling is completely reasonable. Good for you for following your heart instead of the crowd. My husband and I have spent our lives breaking away from the norm.
We eloped and had a wedding a couple years later. We are going on twelve years, happy as can be, and more so sometimes. Unfortunately, a part of doing things differently is having people question you. You just got to accept that they are coming from a place of love, but you still get to have the final say in what you want and what you will do. I got married at 19, while I was in college, and I graduated, and went on to work as a reporter and then become a published author.
You get to choose orders. The really important thing is to talk to your sailor about all of these thoughts and fears in a rational way. I also wanted to address your fears about the separation. Over time you gain knowledge and a tolerance to the separation that makes it easier. Overall, I want you to know that you have just as much chance of having a successful relationship as anyone else. You are doing good, and you can do this! Be confident and kind to yourself. You are earning it! With the best of wishes for you and your sailor, Stephanie Carroll. If anyone feels the same I hope this can help!
It feels great knowing that how I feel is normal, and just having someone who gets this life and who doesn't judge me for choosing to put myself in it is awesome. It really lets me know that if this is what I want and what he wants and WE want it then it can happen. That's so generous and I'm so glad this has been helpful!
Wishing you both so much happiness! Check it out because I added a few things that weren't in my original response. Hope all is going well! Also feel free to share with friends on Facebook or Twitter! Thankfully we haven't gone through long distance or deployments, but we've talked about the future and possibility of marriage several times. It's pretty scary - especially the idea of constantly being relocated since I've only ever lived in one area one house even!
Thankfully he is wonderfully patient, but finding this from the perspective of someone that's been through it as a girlfriend and a wife it's so helpful! Thank you for commenting Erika! It's so good to know when your posts are helpful and I just so appreciate your comment. Thank you for this, I have been having a hard time with being a navy girlfriend. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to do it, reading this makes me feel a little bit better, gives me courage and faith that I can do this, I have a child on the way and I do know that I will basically be a single mother while he is away.
He works with Nuclear Reactors which scares me to death, he hasn't even gone out to sea yet and I'm still terrified something bad is going to happen with him being in New York. Hi, This was really helpful but, I still have a few questions. My boyfriend, of four years, is currently in "A" school and now is when it is starting to hit me that it will not get easier from here on out. He's going to be stationed in one state and I am currently living in another state to finish my Bachelors degree, which I can hopefully get done within the next year.
All I've been reading, not necessarily on your blog, is that everyone basically drops their lives to go live with their sailors, and don't get me wrong I love my sailor with all my heart, I'm crazy about him, but I do not want to drop my life. I don't want this to come out like I'm insulting you, or anyone else reading this, by saying that you dropped your life for your sailor, because trust me I would love nothing more than to follow him everywhere he goes and get to be there waiting for him when he comes back home.
But, I always would love if I knew that there was a way of doing so without letting my dreams go at the same time. I was just wondering if you can help clarify my situation and give me some incite on how to deal with this or if I'm just over thinking a little too much. I'm just trying to see how the rest of my life with my sailor will play out. Thank you, for your time! Hi Pamela, Don't worry. You aren't insulting anyone. We all have this fear and it's something that a lot of Military Wives and Girlfriends struggle with, but that doesn't mean it's a given or a must.
Yes it is possible to stay together and not give up your dreams or your life. I got married at 19, finished my degree, became a journalist, and then a published author, blogger, and speaker. If you guys want to do it, you can do it. Navy relationships are hard and long distance and can involve unconventional situations but it's doable if you are both willing to work together and compromise. Many, many Navy girlfriends endure those years of separation and long distance relationships. Many, including myself, go to college and graduate and have a career, many successfully pursue their dreams, many wait to have children, and many have happy and strong relationships.
Obviously, your success depends on the two of you and how much work you put into the relationship but can you do it? Is it possible or is it doomed? Yes it's possible and no it's not doomed. Don't follow the crowd or assume you have to live one way and only one way because so many in the Navy do.
You can break away and pursue your lives together in whatever way you want as long as you don't give up on it and work together. You can't get everything you want. You might have to live in separate states while you finish your degree, or you might have to loose credits if you transfer. You might not be able to work in the specific location you want to but perhaps can choose a similar one from the options available to him.
These are the kinds of things you will have to work together to figure out. At first, when he is in boot camp and A-School there isn't much choice but when he gets into the Navy proper, you will both have more to work with. Check out this article "Can a Military Relationship Work" for more: I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and the navy is literally turning him into a total new person and taking him away and I am pissed and I don't know how anyone deals with this.
Hi Anonymous, I'm sorry. I understand what you are going through and it's not fun. It's okay to be pissed and to feel frustrated and lost. We all do, especially at first. Right now you might be trying to figure out how you are going to deal with this in the long-term because it feels impossible to deal right now, but the thing is that trying to figure out the future before you figure out the present won't be helpful, just overwhelming.
The good news is, I can tell you from experience that it does get easier with time, so what you are feeling now won't be what you feel then. As far as dealing right now. There are a variety of things you can do to make things easier and which are discussed in more depth throughout this blog use the search bar to help find those posts , but a quick list: Create a strong network of people and groups you can go to in order to vent or just talk to or hang out with.
This can be friends, family, online groups, Navy groups, etc. Check out our Facebook Group.
These 7 dating rules don’t work for military couples
There is a link to it in the menu bar of this blog. Get in contact with and get on the email lists of your Sailor's Family Readiness Group and Ombudsmen. These are the people who can keep you informed about work schedules and official businessmen. And yes they do speak to girlfriends. Get hobbies, plan projects, plan trips, or go for that future education to fill in the extra time you will have when he goes away. Doing this gives you socialization and helps the time go by faster.
What is something you've always wanted to do but haven't had the time for? Keep reading up on this stuff. Give yourself permission to be upset, to get frustrated, to cry, to scream, to get angry even. It's okay to have those feelings. It doesn't mean you can't handle this or that you aren't tough enough. Going through this, sticking it out despite those moments, that's what reveals your strength. Enduring those moments is what shows you can do this.
I'm wishing you and your Sailor all the luck in the world. Be patient with him and with yourself during this transition. Hi so i have a question. My boyfriend is joining the navy soon but he wants me to go with him. But in order footer that we do have to be married right. Only wives can live and be moved with them.
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Thank you for commenting Whitney, You are right that the Navy will not pay to move you unless you are married; however, many Navy girlfriends choose to move to where their Sailor is stationed on their own. Some things you should know, though, is that your boyfriend will start off going to boot camp where you can't visit. After that he goes to A-school which is not where he will be permanently and he can't live off base or even go off base without permission at first.
He can as time goes by and he gets more privileges. After A-school then he finds out where he gets orders and they may not always be where he thought he was going to go. So yes you can move with him, on your own dime, but I would hold off until he is settled at his new duty station before you two even try to start planning it.
These 7 dating rules don't work for military couples
I hope this was helpful and I wish both of you the best of luck. If you remember that you have made a commitment for forever while taking one day at a time. Remember that strength does not come over-night but it is grown on a daily basis and built upon to make you a women of courage, perseverance and valor. Everyday takes commitment and commitment makes it forever. God bless you all as you serve your country in the most important role. That's very kind and appreciated.
Sincerely, Stephanie Carroll www. My boyfriend is E4 in the navy, but I'm new to this. Could I visit him? If so, how would it work? Hi Anonymous, It really depends on a few things. I'm not sure if you are talking about visiting on base or visiting overseas or while he's training. Visiting during his initial training doesn't usually work out. He should be able to tell you whether or not he can have visitors on base or while on a US detachment, and I do know of people who have gone overseas to visit their Sailors during deployment but it also depends on where they are going and when they expect to be there.
Some deployments only go to ports that are dangerous for civilians and it's difficult to guarantee that the boat will stop there when it's expected to stop there so you might fly out only to miss him by a day or something. However, I do know people who found ways to make it work. He would be the best person to give you the clearest answers though. I hope that helps. Okay so my boyfriend was in the sub program but we switched out 3 months before graduating. He has recently been deployed on his first deployment which is supposed to last a month.
He was supposed to stay in one state and do training but because of IRMA his boat is now helping out with the damage and are in the Atlantic Ocean - btw only aware of this bc I have been checking th news. When he switched out of the sub program he had a six year contract which they now changed to a 4 year contract. He has already served one year so he has 3 to go Dear Anonymous, I can only imagine the frustration you may have regarding the unreliability of his schedule. The Navy can change things up at a moments notice. It's one of those things that comes with the job. Usually, save for the rare occassion when national disaster strikes, detachments run pretty much on schedule.
They do more and more of these detachments as they get closer to a deployment because they are gearing up for it.
It's a little different for each squadron and can be based on the type of job he is doing but deployments usually are supposed to be six months but often are extended to eight and sometimes ten months. My husband never had an actual six month deployment. They were always extended. A deployment happens every year and a half - usually. After four years of sea duty, they generally have three years of shore duty where there are no deployments or detachments - but again there are exceptions to this.
Sometimes exceptions have to do with the type of job or the place where he gets orders. I hope this helps and I wish you and your Sailor all the best. Hello I just meet a guy in the navy online Im single and hes pretty serious and a gentelman hes looking for something serious and he asked me how long im going to be single I said I don't know I have been through alot im trying to be wiser and smarter before getting into a relationship with any guy so what do you think hes single to Take your time Hannah.
No need to rush these things. You don't have to be married to be with someone in the Navy. I know many women who waited years before marriage. Do what you feel comfortable with and remember that you got this! Take your time Anonymous.
Best to you and your Sailor. Over the summer, I met my current boyfriend. He is graduating this spring and will be an officer in the Navy. He is going to be on a submarine, but is spending 2 years going through training, I believe. He doesn't like to talk about us being apart, but I do have questions and I do not know who else to ask. Hi Amy, Sorry it took me a little while to get back to you on this one. My husband didn't do subs so I had to do a little research and I found some website for you to check out.
As you read these, just remember that you can do this. If others can do it, then so can you! What you can expect with Communication: I just recently got engaged to my boyfriend who just joined the navy this year. This article helped me so much. I'm so glad that I found this article. I'm so glad it helped! Best of luck to you and your Sailor! I love, love your comments and questions!
Just remember to not mention any security info about your Sailor! Wednesday, August 28, Navy Girlfriend Guide: Should You become a Navy Wife? What if your partner is only aware of what it will be like for the Sailor and not for you? What if your partner is only being told the good parts? Or what if your partner might be afraid to tell you anything that would make you worried? So what are the pros and what are the cons? Below is my list and this is a list based on the idea of a Navy Girlfriend becoming a Navy Wife, so keep in mind that certain things like pay, benefits, and college tuition won't apply unless you are married.
Keep in mind all of the cons have a pro so don't freak out reading through the cons list. Make sure you get to the pros too. You do get a break from deployments though. It's four years on, three years off. There will be times when you will be sad and miserable with loneliness. You will have to face problems that are not the type of thing you are used to facing, like in my case finding a dead mouse stuck in my washing machine. That is so a boy type of problem! It's not all bad though, we are just in the cons section.
There is a pro to separation too. Everyone works on salary, which means that they work as many hours and weekends as needed to get the job done. Follow the Sugars on Twitter dearsugarradio. I'm nearing my mids and hitting my milestones pretty much on mark: I'm accepting most of this, well, because I have no choice. One of these items is a choice, though: I'm not a particularly vain person and the slippery slope of coloring doesn't appeal to me because of the cost, hassle and upkeep.
I don't like the telltale gray at the scalp and I think it's weird when people stop coloring suddenly and go completely gray. The gradual, natural transition to gray seems much more appealing. That said, I don't want to accelerate from "young for my age" to getting asked for the senior discount. Could you help me sort through the personal and societal aspects of gray hair and give some advice on how to be at peace with whatever route I go?
In The Navy And Out Of Reach: Being In A Relationship With A Service Member
I know this isn't the heart-rending conundrum you usually address, but it's my personal conundrum. If I were gray in my 20s, the choice to color would be easy I'd do it! But at what point do you accept the gray as something you've earned rather than something to hide? For what it's worth, my husband says he's neutral on the subject, though maybe he's just saying that to walk the even line. Counting Down from Brown, you should do what you want to do. That's the beautiful thing about tossing off these ideas about what it means to be in your 40s.
I think the highest peak we can reach as women and as feminists is to say, "I get to choose the way I look," and define that at every age. I think your gray hair is making you feel uncomfortable right now and maybe that means you should talk to a hair stylist and say, "What can we do to make me feel good about the way my hair looks right now? You say this is a little question, but I think it's a pretty big one. So many people, men and women alike, struggle with this as we age. I think the sexiest, most beautiful thing emanates from within, and it's that sense of feeling secure in who you are — whether that be gray-haired or completely dyed whatever color of your choosing.
I fully support you making whatever choice you want to make. Counting Down from Brown, I felt all of this.
Time spent waiting for someone else to talk first is time wasted. Some long distance couples alternate visits to balance time off work and the cost of plane tickets. When they do get leave, they might have to choose between visiting their family or you. Try to be patient if you are the one doing all the driving and flying. If your service member loves you, they will find ways to show it and make you feel valued. The possibility of cheating exists in any relationship, but military relationships require extra trust.
Yes, military orders and leave dates do change at the last minute. Your service member probably is not lying to you. Yes, during deployment, a service member cannot use their phone and may have wait in line to use the computer for 10 minutes. Often, the real mistress is simply the military.